If any parts of your personality are flawed or require development, it’s certain that life in India will bring them swiftly to the surface. For me, it was my control freak nature and lack of assertiveness that caused problems. My first year in Mumbai was particularly tough, as I struggled to let go, accept, and also set boundaries with people. I spent a lot of time feeling frustrated and overwhelmed (and came very close to leaving).
These days I’ve mellowed out quite a bit and lowered my expectations. Developing a more chalta hai attitude has been necessary and good for me. But there are some things that I just can’t tolerate, and my newly acquired assertiveness means that I have to really restrain myself from causing a scene. This brings me to the matter most likely to provoke me into berating people — their inability to line up and wait their turn (and with it, their desire to push others out of the way).
Since this behaviour is so common in India, I’ve found ways to reduce my likelihood of encountering it and thus my irritation. For example, I make it a point to go the supermarket only when I know it will be uncrowded (and I avoid stores such as the Big Bazaar completely). Sometimes, it just doesn’t make a difference though.
Last week, I was selecting fruit and vegetable from the shelves in my local D-Mart. It was morning, and restocking was taking place. I heard a voice behind me, “Madam…”. I turned around to find a staff member making hand signals at me to move out of the way, as he wanted to put items on the shelves. I couldn’t believe that I was actually being prevented from shopping by an impatient employee.
“Arre, customer hai!”, another employee surprisingly rebuked him before I got the chance.
Shoppers barging into my changing room before I’ve finished trying on clothes has also happened to me more than once in India, and just astounds me, particularly because my personal items are still in there. In fact, it happened again on the weekend. I was with my sister in law at a small Rajasthani clothing and handicraft store in Dadar. There was only one changing room and I was trying on a few garments. When I stepped out to show my sister in law one top, another customer swiftly went in and closed the curtain. I was shocked. My clothes, which I’d taken off, and belongings were all inside!
I saw red and complained loudly. “You’re in a fighting mood,” my sister in law joked. “I’m going to have a word with her. So rude and inconsiderate!”, I prepared myself for battle.
However, I managed to calm down and disregard the situation. (After developing assertiveness, my next challenge in India has been to develop detachment). My sister in law was there, and most of all, I didn’t want to embarrass her. If I was alone, there’s no doubt I would’ve yanked the changing room curtain open and asked the woman to get out. When she did come out, she looked straight at me but offered no apology — even though it was clear that I was still in the process of trying on clothes.
My sister in law later told me that the shop assistant had commented to her that I seemed easily annoyed. Thankfully, she said she’d responded to the shop assistant that it was her duty to prevent people from entering the change room before a customer had finished and their belongings were still there.
“These people have such a sense of entitlement,” my sister in law remarked to me (while I lamented having not told the batameez woman off).
People’s inability to line up properly and wait their turn in India is often attributed to scarcity of resources. But indeed the reality is that there’s a sizable percentage of the population that’s simply inconsiderate and believes they have the right to push in before others.
If someone has only one or two items and would like to be served before me, I have no problem with letting them go first, provided they ask politely and don’t try to push in. On the rare occasions this has happened, I’ve been so happy that I’ve actually thanked the person for being kind enough to ask me.
Yesterday, I encountered a novel solution for dealing with queue jumpers. It was evening, and I’d gotten caught up doing work and realised I’d left it too late to go to D-Mart without the horrible hordes being there. However, I decided to remain shanti and go anyway. As to be expected, the place was in a mess and there was a 20 minute wait to be served at the checkouts. Lines were branching off in all directions. Even Indian tempers were flaring.
Then, it was showdown time! An Indian aunty who’d been standing off to the side decided to wedge her trolly into the line one customer ahead of me, and right before the checkout counter. The customer was a teenaged boy but he was having none of it. He told her in Hindi that it was a straight line and he was next. She looked at him blankly without commenting, and without moving her trolly. It was impossible for him to get to the checkout, as she was now blocking it with her trolley.
So, what did he do? He calmly took his basket, walked behind the checkout counter, then came around to stand right in front of her and her trolley, and began unloading his items onto the counter.
I was so impressed! And, the aunty continued to stand there without saying anything.
© 2013, Diary of a White Indian Housewife. All rights reserved. Do not copy and reproduce text or images without permission.
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